Okay, vagina owners, let’s be real: it’s not always easy (or dare we say, possible) to have an orgasm through penetrative sex. In fact, based on one of the biggest orgasm studies ever conducted, only 18 percent of women surveyed reported being able to reach climax this way.
If you’re struggling or not sure exactly what it’ll take to hit that high note when you’re getting down and dirty with your significant other, the good news is that there are plenty of gadgets that can help get you there – together.
Why you should think about using sex toys with a partner
Introducing certain toys into your relationship can be daunting at first, like how do you even bring it up? (Don’t worry – we’ll get to that.) However, bringing a vibrator into play can be a super exciting way to spice up your sex life and bring enhance the experience for both parties!
Most people with vaginas need some additional form of external stimulation to orgasm. And while orgasms don’t always have to be the end goal of sex, they are pretty great – and not just because they feel awesome. Pleasurable sex offers all sorts of health-boosting benefits: from improving mood to relieving stress and ramping up immunity. Orgasms also have a slew of documented beauty benefits (hello, brighter, glowier, plumped-up skin!) and they may even bring you and your partner closer (cute!).
How to talk to your partner about sex with toys
We get it – broaching the topic of bringing a toy to the bedroom can be scary, but it can also be incredibly empowering and it might just be the one move that takes your sex life to the next level! As with all things relationship, communication is key…
Choosing your vibrator
When your partner’s on board, go shopping online together to find a good fit for you both. When it comes to sex toys for beginners, a small vibrator may be a non-threatening space to start. The dizzying array of shapes, sizes, colours and sensations available can get confusing, so let us break down a few of the more common vibe styles…
The bullet vibrator
Fantastic sex toys for beginners, these are just as much fun for solo play as they are for couples. They’re compact and discreet, their bullet-like shape makes them pretty inoffensive (no bruised egos here!) and they can be used on all sorts of body parts. Play with sensations on your or your partner’s nipples or clitoris, run gently along the shaft of the penis, or lightly touch on the perineum.
The clitoral vibrator
When it comes to external stimulation, sometimes fingers and tongues just don’t cut it. Using a buzzy or rumbly vibrating sensation or very light suction technology (which creates gentle changes in air pressure to give a pulsating feeling), the clitoral vibrator knows just how to stimulate the clitoris to help you on your way to a mind-blowing climax. We heart the Velvetine Nora Panty Vibe, which can be controlled via remote control, meaning you can hand the reins over to your partner.
The G spot vibrator
Want to know how to orgasm internally? Vagina owners will be on the lookout for the G-spot, which is notoriously tricky to reach, but when you do – watch out! There’s a whole class of vibrators to help you find this elusive pleasure point, which is tucked away on the front wall of the vagina. G spot vibrators are usually designed with a curve and a rounded tip to help you target the sweet spot. (Hint: If you’re unsure where you want to be buzzing, a G spot vibrator is a great pick as it can also be used on the clitoris).
Sex toys for couples
Pretty much any toy you use for a solo lovin’ session can be brought to the bedroom. Better yet, some toys are made with duo pleasure in mind, like the We-Vibe Sync. Nifty hands-free tools like this stimulate the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time, while still leaving plenty of room for penetration, allowing penis owners to enjoy those vibey sensations as they move in and out. For P-in-V sex, cock rings also bring the fun feels to both parties, worn at the shaft of the penis to deliver good vibrations to the clitoris during penetrative sex.
How to use a vibrator with your partner
So you’ve kitted out your toolbox and you’re ready to go, but where do you start when it comes to actually having sex with toys involved? Open, honest communication and verbal encouragement are a must. Tell your partner what feels good, guide them to your sweet spots or show them how you like it by turning the toy on yourself (there’s nothing wrong with taking control of your own pleasure while you're doing the deed).
You may also want to play around with different positions to get the best possible access – it’s not always the easiest to keep a handheld clitoral vibrator in place, for instance, while in missionary (hot tip: girl-on-top is a good place to be for max control).
Sex toys for beginners: FAQs
Whether you’re manning the buttons or your partner is pleasuring you with your new investment, there are a few things to know to get the most out of your partnered playtime.
Where is the clitoris?
The external part of the clitoris (the glans clitoris) is around the size of a pea and is tucked away under the clitoral hood, above the vaginal opening and urethra. It can be a bit of an iceberg situation – the majority of the clitoris isn’t actually visible, yet rather hidden inside your body.
How to stimulate the clitoris
Applying stimulation (for example, with a vibrator) to the external part of the clitoris is a sure-fire road to orgasm-town for many people with vaginas. Don’t forget it’s important to remember that everyone’s body is different, so explore to find what feels good for you!
Where is the G spot?
As a rough guide, the G spot is located about a third of the way up the inner front wall of the vagina – though it could be higher or closer to the vaginal opening because, we repeat, everyone is unique! It can feel a little rougher than the surrounding skin (a bit spongey or like orange peel) and is usually best stimulated with a “come hither” motion of a finger.
How to orgasm
Finding it hard to climax? First of all, relax – this is supposed to be fun, remember?! Get yourself into the mood in whatever way works for you – light some candles, run a bath – so that when you get down to business you’re feeling calm and present. Orgasms can happen by playing with other erogenous zones, too – try having your partner play with, suck or bite your nipples, or even try teasing them with your new toy. And remember – you don’t have to climax for sex to be fun.
What does lube do?
Our bodies naturally create lubrication when we’re aroused, so if things aren’t getting slippery enough on their own, sex can get uncomfortable (or downright painful). Lube reduces friction and can make the whole process more fun for all, even if you’re not experiencing dryness – in one study, 70 percent of the 2453 women surveyed said sex was more pleasurable with lube. And it’s a must for anal play! Just avoid silicone-based lube with silicone toys, as they can break down the material over time. Water-based lubes are usually a pretty safe bet (but make sure to always check the instructions).
How to clean sex toys
When playtime’s over, please, please remember to give your sex toys a wash to prevent the build-up of bacteria. Many can be cleaned with warm, soapy water but check the instructions for how to keep your new bedroom friend hygienic. There are also an array of toy cleaners available on the market made specifically for toy cleansing and longevity (our pick is the Sensuva Think Clean Thoughts Toy Cleaner). Be sure to clean after every use.
Explore the large selection of premium sexual wellness products available at Oz Hair & Beauty with your partner today and prepare to have some fun in the bedroom!